When you cannot enjoy every moment, the moments do not go by quickly. They go by very, very slowly (except the brief moments you have to yourself, which do go by very quickly). You feel like you might be drowning in the number of moments filled with exhaustion, bodily fluids, crying, yelling, and your own aching body.
Finding the sacred after church hurt Photo by OC Gonzalez on Unsplash When I was 22, at the same age a lot of young people leave their faith altogether, Good Friday and Easter were my favorite holidays. I hated the commercialization of Christmas (still do). It was my first year living in the “real world” after college, in … Continue reading Easter Relationship Status: It’s Complicated
When do you feel truly ready to give up your old life and break your heart wide open? While listening to an Ezra Klein podcast recently, I laughed out loud with sheer delight, feeling so seen. I mentally bookmarked his statement so I could go back and look up the transcript later to send to … Continue reading Do you want children? Definitely. When? Never.
Sadly, scores of men in the US are offered zero parental leave whatsoever. Even for those who are, there is pressure to not take the leave, at least to its full extent. Career must come first for masculine men.
As I write this, I am staring down my own maternity leave for our baby. I’m excited for that time but also nervous: will it be enough time? How will our family’s finances manage during those weeks? When I start back to work, how will the baby be sleeping? Will I be ready to juggle … Continue reading Maternity leave and its challenges to evangelical capitalistic patriarchy
Patriarchy performed in a religious setting attempts to justify itself by claiming to be God-ordained. For people within the religious system, to call it God-ordained is to play the ultimate trump card.
The patriarchy is a social system where men believe (consciously or not) they are entitled to control and power over women. This belief is reflected at a societal level with who is able to hold power, and who gets to live in a society that functions according to their needs...
If I have something good, something desirable, this part of me feels guilty that I am “allowed” to have that; that I might be so spoiled as to have such a lovely thing. It comes up with constant reasons why I shouldn’t pursue such things.
No group can be perfect in all these measures, but people who have experienced religious trauma have a hyper-sensitive alert system for anything that feels off. “Off” might include problematic theology, power dynamics, in / out requirements to be part of the group, environments of control or secrecy, and so forth.
First off, let’s acknowledge that a pithy social media quote and a blog post are not going to heal anyone from their trauma. Inner work is a long and complex journey, and I would never pretend that a self-help book and an online article will get you where you need to go. But I would … Continue reading How to Heal From Religious Trauma